no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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