it was like his penis was on wheels.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
