i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
