Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
My penis needs a shock collar
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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