I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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