Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
