Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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