Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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