i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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