I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
did you just send me my own nude
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
