life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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