i already hear my dad disowning me
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
