margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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