i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
