btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
