no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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