I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
