This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
