I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We had to coat check the pizza.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
