we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
