He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
