I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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