This is not my ceiling
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
