i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
