Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
