Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
