I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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