theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
