After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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