This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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