she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
