your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
