The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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