I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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