I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
