can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
