last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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