Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
