I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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