And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
