DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
