Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
