My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
FUCK WHALES
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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