Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
