wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
