why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
