dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The air was thick with penises
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
