haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
This is not my ceiling
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
