Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
