So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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