why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
