can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
