I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
