Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
